Wall-twerking and Racism?

OK, So my Aunt's funeral came and went and I lost a little piece of myself along the way. I did better at her funeral than I thought I would, I kind of lost it when I hugged my cousin and my uncle. I didn't completely lose it until I got home later that night. I cried so hard I couldn't breath. All I wanted to do was to hear her voice, see her, and hug her. The cold hard reality that I would never be able to do that again hit me full force like a ton of bricks. I just couldn't hold it in anymore, and once the tears started it was uncontrollable. I can feel that it will hit me again I just don't know when. My "dad" and my "grandma" were there. My wonderful "grandma" didn't say more than 7 words to me the whole time.  My "dad" and I awkwardly talked for a little bit afterwards. I asked him if he was going to meet all of us for food, and releasing of balloons. He said he would go than never showed up, typical "dad".  My aunt was the glue that held my family together. I'm afraid that now that she's gone I will lose touch with ones that matter the most to me in my family. I want more than anything to have them in my life, Shannon especially because she's the only piece of my aunt I have left and I want more than anything for us to be close. The last 2 days despite all the emotional hardships we've all gone through, my cousins and I went out last night(all the details I can say is wall-twerking lol I will never get over that, that was freaking awesome and definitely not something I expected to see! oh and dance floor splits and cartwheels! lol) and I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I had that much fun and was legitimately that happy. It took my mind away from things for awhile.  I would bend over backwards for my family no matter what whether they were in the wrong or right. Family sticks together and that's just the way it is. Granted there are some people in my family I could live without. Now that I have them in my life again I'm scared I'm going to lose them and I really don't want that to happen because I would be absolutely heartbroken. It sucks that something like this had to happen for us to get closer. Sorry guys my mind is going a million miles a minute but hey at least I'm staying somewhat on the same topic hahaha. After spending that little bit of time with them (Once again mainly Shannon) It made me realize that I need to start being more positive and not so hard on myself and that no matter what my family will love me. Which I should have realized a long time ago. I want to let my family know I will always be here for them no matter what and I always have been! Now that my feelings are out of the way let's move on to today's happenings. Well did you guys know that I'm a stupid, lying, stealing, Racist? Hahaha OK picture if you will, I'm at work (for the first time in 2 days) minding my own business while a co-worker handles a problem with a customer. Now with me just quietly observing an escalating situation, I witnessed the now irate customer refusing to give a receipt back and calling the person listed on said receipt. All I can say was it was a completely stupid situation with an item that was purchased by 2 different people and the one that we were having an issue with was the 2nd person. Alright a little sidetracked anyway, after all that hoopla I called my manager to let her know the situation. I came back out and this goofy bitch decided she was going to attack me (verbally) and insult my intelligence! Are you freaking kidding me?! Bitch my I.Q. is 162 please let's have a battle of wits shall we?! Don't insult my intelligence because your dumb ass can't comprehend something as to why you can't have the item that was bought by someone else first. Now after the week I've had and the anger and the rest of these emotions I'm trying to keep a damn lid on, you would have thought I would have come unglued on this twat. Instead (for those of you that know me be proud) I WALKED AWAY, shut myself in the office, and paced trying to calm myself down. The other funny thing is the only thing that made me want to go all spider monkey on her was the fact that she insulted my damn intelligence. I am far from fucking stupid, yes I cuss like a sailor, things don't always register right away, and I occasionally lack common sense, that does not make me stupid! Now if she would have just called me a lying, stealing, racist, I probably would have just started laughing at her. The one thing that will piss me off to no end and possibly get you punched in the face is to call me stupid. Granted calling me a liar and thief will piss me off too. Just for some reason calling me stupid just down right pisses me off. So that was that, I just thought I'd share. I'm so damn emotional it's ridiculous, but I feel I have every reason to be. Hopefully the next blog I write will be a happy one! (A completely happy one without any sadness or depression in it.) OK well I got a little bit out of my system.


Until Next Time,
Shay's Crazy Mundane Life.

A mountain of pain I just can't climb.

Well I feel like my heart has been split in two. My Aunt passed away Friday, I still have yet to hear from my "family" to tell me when her funeral is. Even though I already know because I looked up her obituary. The way I found out was fucking facebook! Seriously?! and I quote, "Hey Shaina! Aunt Sherrie died today. I'll see ya soon." Now my reaction to this was I felt like someone stabbed me in the chest. After a few hours I got pissed off at the fact that I was told over facebook rather than a god damn phone call. By the way my phone number has been the same since about 15-20 years BEFORE I was born I really don't think it's going to change now! These people are not family to me, the one person that made feel like I belonged with them is gone. My Aunt Sherrie was a great woman, she had great sense of humor and you couldn't help but have a good time when you were around her. She used to babysit me all the time when I was little, I loved going to her house. Now when Aunt Sherrie and I would spend time together (now that I'm older) our conversations could get pretty deep. We'd talk about anything that came to our minds for hours at a time. She would ask if I heard from my "dad" and my "grandma" when I told her the usual "Nope" she would shake her head call my "dad" an asshole and say he needed to get his shit together, and she always told me anytime my "grandma" came up in conversation that she would be my grandma is she could, and my "grandma" didn't know what she was missing. A little bit of a back story about my "dad" and "grandma". My "dad" has rarely been in my life, I can count on one hand how many times I've seen my "dad" in the last 10 years. The last time for example was when my Aunt Patty passed away. That was 4 years ago, the time before that was when I was 15 or 16. Great dad ain't he? My "grandma" I haven't seen in an equal amount of time, and I've heard from her 3 times during that 4 year stint.When I was a kid my "grandma" told someone that she was too embarrassed to go or take me anywhere because of how big I was. What the fuck kind of grandparent says that about their grandchild?! They should love and be proud of their grandchildren no matter how big or small they are!  Ever since I heard this I refuse to call this woman grandma because she does not deserve that respect from me! The same with my "dad" I call him by his name and not dad because he is not deserving of the title dad.

My Aunt Sherrie made me feel like I belonged and she didn't care if I was fat. I was always beautiful to her, Now that she's gone I feel like a piece of me died with her. She was such a wonderful, caring, loving, giving, and great person. It's been two days and I miss her so much already. I want to be able to hug her, tell her I love her, listen to her worries, and just sit there and have those conversations that last for hours again. I thought I had more time I guess, I keep trying not to cry and flip out and tell myself she's in a better place and is not hurting anymore. It just makes it worse and I cry that much harder. I don't know what to do I want my aunt back! 

Shay'sCrazyMundaneLife.